Wierd Stuff
by Rebekah W
Summary: Wierd Thats all I will say


Sam went through the gate after the others. The Gould were right behind her. The sounds drowned out as she went through the gate. When she came out the other side she was in for the shock of her life.  
  
She was on earth alright, but she wasn't in star gate head quarters. She was in a field by some mountains! She wondered where tealc and the rest where, when she saw some body coming. It was tealc..... And he was dressed as a samurai! What was he doing???  
  
"Tealc?"she asked hesitantly.  
  
"Miss, my name is Shaka suki, the great samurai of China. You must be mistaken."  
  
Huh? What was going on? And weren't samurai from Japan? "Tealc, what is going on? Are you feeling alright? How did you change clothes so quickly?"  
  
Tealc (or Shaka suki) looked at her funny"Ok, Miss, listen carefully. I am not Tealc I am Shaka suki. Do you have a mental problem of some sort?"  
  
"No I most certainly do not!" she said in an offended tone. "You are the one with the mental problem."  
  
But then Sam realized that maybe she should play along, at least until she got some information. She said in an overdrawn voice, "I am sorry great samurai. I was just confused. What are you doing in this field alone?" She expected tealc to answer that he wasn't alone, he was with her, or some other Tealc-like saying, but he said instead "I am looking for the magic root that will save my people would you care to join me?"  
  
"Sure I would love to join you."  
  
"Good, I need all the help I can get," and so they walked for a while.  
  
She got acquainted with Teal'c's alter ego Shaka suki. He said he was a samurai from the north lands, who needed to go on a journey to help his people from an illness brought upon by the great Tom Jones. Only the root of perpetual motion would save them.  
  
Sam couldn't help but laugh. It seemed like a comedy movie. What was going on? Just then a giant pink dragon flew by them. Pink? What kind of dragon was pink?  
  
The pink dragon landed by them. "How dare you disturb my sleep?!" he said.  
  
"We didn't disturb your sleep"Sam said.  
  
"I have very sensitive ears," the dragon bellowed.  
  
"It's nearly noon you should be up any way."Tealc retorted.  
  
The dragon thought for a moment. "You may be of some use to me, being so brave or extremely stupid. I am going to the cave where the dragons sleep. And don't think we all sleep all day. The dragons were put under a spell by Joey Matonoy of Greensboro Arkansas. I was the only one not touched by the magic, because I was going to the bathroom when the spell was cast. I need a human to go in and put a certain herb into the cave to wake them up. I am too big to fit in. No weight jokes, please. I am skinny for a dragon, partly because of Dragon Craig."  
  
"Come along, let's get this this party more ridiculous than it already is." Sam looked at the dragon. He was giant and tough with claws as big as cars. His voice was rough as, as, some rough thing.  
  
He glared at her with his big dragon eyes. The dragon said, "My name is Hogwash. You can call me Hog." He sat down with a thud and started preening his claws. Just then a man on horseback came out. He was all decked out in silver armor. He said, "Die dragon!!" The dragon swiped from his horse and he fell on his face.  
  
"Ow," the man said. He took off his helmet and she could she it was Jack. "Jack?" she called in disbelief.  
  
"Yes my name is Jack, how did you know?"  
  
"What? No crazy nick name?" Sam responded  
  
The dragon looked at the knight, Jack, and said, "How dare you try to kill me?!"  
  
"I am sorry I thought you were a circus midget." he said. "I was chasing the dragon of the circus midgets all over this land. I thought he could lead me to the circus midget camp"  
  
The dragon looked at him, "If you help us I assure you we will help you all the circus midgets you want."  
  
"By the way have you seen a dark haired, glasses wearing man?" Sam asked.  
  
Jack answered, "I did see a man in a pink fairy costume running around. He was captured by the circus midgets."  
  
Shaka suki said, "Where do we go first? Dragon cave or circus midgets?"  
  
Jack said, "The dragons have the key to finding the circus midgets."  
  
"Well, we'll go to the dragon cave first then." Shaka suki said, even though he had no idea why in the world the dragons would know where a bunch of circus midget were.  
  
The dragon said, "Who wants to volunteer to get the root?"  
  
Shaka suki said, "I'll do it." So they headed off to the dragon cave.  
  
As they headed off toward the dragon cave Julie learned more about Jacks alter ego. He was a knight of the Seventh Order of Pizza and he was avenging the turning of his town into a circus tent. He had never gone on a quest before and he didn't know how to use a mace. But he did know how to boogalo. He could also use a sword and that's what mattered. Jack wore silver armor with the name buttercup baby on it. He said it was for his girl friend, she thought it would make the armor cuter "Hey, we're at the cave every body," the dragon suddenly said  
  
Shaka suki grabbed some root at the outside of the cave and went in. He walked through a sullen field. What was a field doing in a cave, he would never know. He put the root down and a scent permeated the air. The dragons awoke and burst through the air. The cave was in the way so they burst through the cave. Shaka suki left the cave and rejoined his friends. You make friends really quickly in a quest. He also didn't have many friends being a cross dressing samurai and all, but that was a different story. A very good one, but a different story non-the less.  
  
He saw the dragons high fifing Hog and he and then doing loops in the air. He felt good, and not just because of the cold water down his pants from the cave. The dragons landed on the ground. A purple dragon said, "We are much obliged. Here is the root that will save your people." He then said to Jack "The circus midgets are planning a take over of the whole land" he continued. "If defeated all the circus tents will be restored to villages."  
  
The group decided to go by Shaka suki's village first and give the root. The villagers were glad. They were saved and they had a new root to play with.  
  
The dragon said, "We need to go get the circus midgets. Jack, will you lead us to the camp?" The group headed off toward the camp while singing show tunes. The dragon said, "You know I' haven't been to a camp in a long time. Do they still sing camp fire songs?" "It's not that kind of camp," Jack responded.  
  
The dragon flew as the others walked. He started calling out, "Nya I can fly and you cant, nya." The others just looked at him and sighed. Dragons could be such bitches some times.  
  
He kept at it until Jack hit him, which isn't very smart because he's a dragon. The dragon put him in his mouth. Sam said, "Hog drop him." The dragon dropped him. Jack said he was sorry. Hey, you would apologize too if you saw your whole life flash before you eyes.  
  
The dragon kept flying and the others kept walking They got to the camp and snuck in. Which is pretty hard for a dragon since he's a dragon. So he dressed up like an elephant. But a sixty foot elephant wasn't normal so he would still have to be careful.  
  
Hog walked along because elephants don't fly and snuck into the tent of the leader. If you've ever seen a sixty tall foot pink dragon in an elephant costume sneak into a camp tent you know how ridiculous this is. He looked in the tent and saw a man in a pink fairy costume tied up. He didn't have glasses and he was actually kind of fat.  
  
If hog had been a mean dragon he would have eaten him. He had tried some lawyer once though. (just kidding, just kidding.) He went in and got the man. The man said, "Are you a dragon?"  
  
"How can you tell?"  
  
The man said "Because you re sixty feet tall and have a made in Taiwan tag on your costume."  
  
"Oh" the dragon said  
  
The dragon took the man over to Sam. Sam looked at the man a realized who it was....... General Hammond!!!!!!!  
  
He said "Sam! Tealc! Jack! What are you doing here? Come to think of it what am I doing here?"  
  
Sam said, "Do you think we know?" She said sarcastically. The she said even more sarcastically, "This is Shaka suki and Jack the knight."  
  
He looked confused but the look in Sam's eyes made him play along. "Who's the elephant costume-wearing dragon?"  
  
"Oh that's Hog. Do you know wear Daniel is?"  
  
"What, you don't know?"  
  
"I hate to break this up, but we really need to stop the circus midgets," Hog pointed out. So they went to stop the circus midgets.  
  
The leader of the circus midgets, a clown and ring master named Jack (hey he can have the same name) went and got all his forces. The circus midget dragon was six feet tall and Hog made short work of him. The other circus midgets kept coming so hog did his fire breath. Shaka suki did his samurai dance and Sam did her combat fighting. Jack did his knight sword fight and General Hammond did his General, "I will lead while the others fight" fight.  
  
Jack got hit by a "circus midget spell binder" spell and felt like dancing. Sam was hit by a "turn you into a circus midget" spell. Shaka suki was turned in to a tree and General Hammond got turned into a tree.(the midgets were running out of ideas) The dragon sent a fire ball at Jack leader and leader Jack went down. The dragon felt like Godzilla and Mothra combined. (Which happens when you take steroids) He sent another fire ball to the other circus midget and went to work on releasing his friends. When they were released they said "Thanks Hog."(what else would they say? "Hey! We wanted to be circus midgets and trees?" I mean, really) He said, "Thank you."  
  
Hog then saw a machine and said, "Hey, a popcorn machine!" But it wasn't a popcorn machine, and didnt really look any thing like a popcorn machine, unless aliens got hold of one and used it for their humidifier. When he touched it they disappeared and reappeared in the Star Gate headquarters. "Hey we got a dragon now," Sam said as the dragon tried not to bump against the walls, which was impossible since he was sixty feet tall.  
  
The others were still in their weird garb and had no idea who they were. They still looked like samurai and knights and sang show tunes. They started to shake and started to remember who they were.  
  
A big boom was heard and the dragon disappeared. In its place was Daniel!! "Daniel you were the dragon?" Sam said astonished  
  
"I guess. Can I have some people to eat? Just kidding!" he said  
  
General Hammond said "Wait here's a note." 'You were chosen to be the first recipients a full immersion, holographic, video game. Your memories were filled with data and you were made to think you were some body else. Sam and the general dude were give no data to report back an objective view. By our studies we think that thinking you're actually the characters you are playing is a bad idea. It's more fun if you know who you really are and leaves less possibilities for us to get sued for throat damage caused by singing show tunes'  
  
"Hey, it's from Nintendo!!" Daniel added  
  
"Those people are really getting good," Sam said. "General Hammond you never told me why you were in a pink fairy costume."  
  
"Never mind." The general said.  
  
Just then Janet came in and said, "General Hammond are you ready for the play?"  
  
"Its for the kids" Said General Hammond reddening like a ripe tomato on a hot day  
  
[pic]The end......... that's it, no more story....................................................................... ...........................Im serious!!!!!!!!!! Go awayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Leave! Vamoose! Split! Asta La Vista! Make like a tree and leave!!!!!!!!...................Thank you! 


End file.
